George walks down the street and meets an old friend, Gary Fogel (Jon Lovitz), who apparently spent the last few months undergoing chemotherapy. Kramer calls a litterbug who threw garbage out of his car “a pig”, but happens to do so right behind a cop. The cop turns and confronts Kramer, believing that Kramer called the cop a pig, which distracts him from giving a parking ticket to a car, which then flees.
George wants to talk privately with Jerry. Jerry tells George he knew about Gary’s cancer but swore not to tell because George cannot keep secrets; George has no “Poker face”. Elaine had a bad break up with writer Jake Jarmel; Kramer has seen him on TV and wants a pair of glasses just like his.
Later, Kramer talks with the police officer. The cop says that he has spent years tracking a scofflaw who racks up many parking tickets. The cop, who has an eyepatch, considers the scofflaw his “white whale”. Kramer considers getting an eyepatch. Gary discusses with George about not telling him about his illness. To soothe things Gary offers George a parking spot and then tells him another secret: he really never had cancer.
Jake Jarmel refused to tell Kramer about his glasses; he wants his to be unique. But Kramer made a mistake, he said “Elaine says hi”, which Elaine thinks takes down her advantage in the “post-break up relationship”.
George arrives at Jerry’s place and is immediately confronted about his “poker face”. George doesn’t resist and tells the truth about Gary to Jerry. Jerry is upset because he even bought Gary a certificate for baldness treatment because of the chemotherapy. Now Jerry must pretend he doesn’t know so George can get his parking spot.
When Jerry meets Gary at Monk’s Cafe, Gary has gotten a wig. He is so confident that he goes to talk to a quiet woman who just sits in her table to read. Kramer arrives wearing an eyepatch (“I wanna be a pirate.”), but has problems seeing.
George is driving his John Voight’s car (“The Mom & Pop Store”) with Debbie, a mutual friend of his and Gary’s. Debbie fell in love with Gary because of his supposed battle against cancer. Elaine plots revenge on her ex-boyfriend by buying an identical pair of glasses from a man walking down the street who bought them in Malaysia. George crashes his car while trying to avoid hitting the man who sold his glasses to Elaine. The police officer loses his white whale once again, and Kramer realizes Newman is the scofflaw.
Elaine taunts Jake Jarmel with the glasses. Cosmo Kramer tries to convince Newman to turn himself to authorities. Jerry and George discuss the wig. Elaine gives her new glasses to Mr. Lippman. A judge rules that Newman’s car should be kept in a garage.
Accompanied by Jerry, George goes to try some toupees. Gary arrives, needing a retouch in his “rug”; he says he can’t give the parking spot to George because some judge needs it for a scofflaw’s car. Jerry stops pretending and confronts Gary.
Next shot, George, wearing a toupee, arrives extremely confident to Monk’s and gets the attention of a beautiful woman. At a book presentation Jake Jarmel confronts Mr. Lippman because of his glasses, which Elaine gave him.