Seinfeld Reference – Page 11 – A website about nothing

The Cigar Store Indian

While Jerry helps George with a coffee table stain, Elaine must take the subway home; she takes Frank Costanza’s TV Guide as reading material. George meets a woman at a furniture refinishing store and takes her to his parents’ home, pretending that it is his. Jerry is interested in a Native American woman named Winona (Kimberly Norris-Guerrero), but she is offended when he presents Elaine with a cigar store Indian as a peace offering, Jerry also uses inappropriate language which could pass for racial epithets in a note and rocking it back and forth mimicking Native American chants in front of her. Jerry tries to make amends with Winona by going out on a date with her where he also obtains her copy of the TV Guide with Al Roker on the cover to give to Frank.

Jerry offers to take her out for supper where after an argument with an Asian postal worker, she becomes offended at Jerry’s behavior and becomes even more infuratied with Jerry after Kramer, in a taxi with the cigar store Indian screams at Jerry by mimicking native sounds. Elaine and Kramer are on the subway when Kramer stops to get a gyros, but when his arm gets stuck in the door, a patron steals it. While on the subway, Elaine forgets the TV Guide and it is obtained by a creepy patron who cuts it up to make a flower bouquet for her. George, having had sex with his furniture store quarry, leaves a condom wrapper in his parents’ bed; his parents discover not only the wrapper but also the absence of Frank’s TV Guide (he is a collector) and punish him by grounding him.

Jerry tries again to make amends with Winona by going on another date, but tries avoiding words like reservation and scalper, which later backfire on him when she asks for the TV Guide and they get into an argument after she accuses Jerry of trying to refer to her as an Indian giver. Elaine shows up at the Costanzas’ house with Winona’s copy of the TV Guide much to her surprise, she sees the creepy guy at the house (he obtained the Costanzas’ address by reading the postal address). Elaine gives Frank the copy of the TV Guide, only to find the cover was ruined by the tzatziki sauce from the gyros she was eating which dripped onto it. When Frank yells at Elaine about taking the TV Guide, the creepy guy comes to her defense and inadvertly knocks the refinished coffee table over. While trying to sell the cigar store Indian to a dealer of another cigar shop, Kramer meets Elaine’s boss and pitches his idea for a coffee table book about coffee tables in exchange for the cigar store Indian, much to Elaine’s dismay. Estelle takes the coffee table to the same furniture store George took it into, where she runs into the same woman George had sex with and reveals the truth about George. Elaine and Jerry are on the subway going to Queens to give Frank the same TV Guide (which they had to order) when Jerry runs to get a gyros during a brief stop, he attempts to get back on the subway in time, but gets his arm stuck in the door and has his gyro taken by none other than Al Roker himself.

The Masseuse

Elaine dates a man who shares the name of real-life serial killer Joel Rifkin (Anthony Cistaro) and tries to convince him to change his name. Jerry’s girlfriend, a masseuse (Jennifer Coolidge), seems unwilling to give Jerry a massage, even as she takes Kramer as a client. Meanwhile, she is not fond of George, leading him incessantly to wonder why, even to his neglect of his own girlfriend Karen (Lisa Edelstein).

Eventually, Jerry goes insane and angrily tries to force his girlfriend to give him the massage. She leaves, encountering George on the way out the apartment door, who professes his growing fondness for her. Elaine and Joel fight over selecting a new name. Kramer’s back is sore after attending a football game and leaping over rows of seats to catch a thrown ball. George and Karen split.

The Barber

The episode begins with George at a job interview. His future employer, Mr. Tuttle, is cut off mid-sentence by an important telephone call, and sends George away without knowing whether he has been hired or not. Mr. Tuttle told George that he can “understand everything immediately”, so this leaves a puzzling situation. In Jerry’s words: “If you call and ask if you have the job, you might lose the job.” But if George doesn’t call, he might have been hired and he will never know. George decides that the best course of action is to not call at all and to just “show up”, pretending that he has been hired and start “work”, all while Mr. Tuttle is out of town. The thought behind this was that if George has the job, then everything will be fine; and if George was not hired, then he will be “ensconced” in the company and hopefully not be fired.

Elaine asks Jerry to get a haircut in order to look nice for an upcoming bachelor auction. Kramer says that Jerry’s normal barber, Enzo (played by Antony Ponzini) is not working that day and recommends that Jerry see Enzo’s nephew, Gino (David Ciminello). Kramer tells Jerry that he will get a better haircut from Gino. To Jerry’s surprise, Enzo is willing to interrupt his day off to give his most loyal customer a haircut, which turns out to be terrible. Kramer arranges a clandestine haircut in Gino’s apartment to fix the problem. Enzo again turns up unexpectedly, forcing Jerry to hide in the closet, but the damage is done: Enzo finds a familiar-looking hair on the floor. Incensed, he bribes Newman to get a sample of Jerry’s hair in order to compare the two. After finding out that they match, Enzo swears revenge on Jerry, which ultimately culminates in a fight with Gino in Jerry’s apartment.

When Gino and Enzo are fighting in Jerry’s apartment, they watch Edward Scissorhands on the television and stop to watch it, though all that’s seen is the back of the TV with the sound of scissors clipping fast and Gioachino Rossini’s The Barber of Seville playing in the background.

Meanwhile, George, who has absolutely no idea of what his duties are at his new place of work, is handed the “Pensky file” and ordered to work on it. George manages to do nothing for a week. When Mr. Pensky comes to inquire about the progress of his file, he begins to make George an offer for a job at his company, but is again interrupted mid-sentence, leaving George to once again draw his own conclusions. When Mr. Tuttle arrives from a week’s vacation, he reprimands but does not fire George. Instead, George quits, thinking Mr. Pensky has a space for him, much to the disbelief of Mr. Tuttle. When he visits Mr. Pensky, it turns out that the entire board of the company has been indicted and the company can’t hire anyone.

In Jerry’s apartment, Gino and Enzo stop fighting to watch Edward Scissorhands, and Enzo forgets his revenge on Jerry. Because Gino never fixed Jerry’s hair, Kramer is sent to the bachelor auction in his place. In the end, Jerry finds Newman in the haircut shop and grabs an electric hair razor. After the Castle Rock Entertainment logo shows, there is a short scene where Kramer speaks to Newman on the phone asking, “So when you gonna be able to go out?” and the screen then shows Newman with his entire hair shaved off, and he replies, “Not for a while,” though the scene is not shown in syndication.

The Non-Fat Yogurt

Jerry, Elaine and George eat at a non-fat frozen yogurt shop in which Kramer has invested. The yogurt is delicious, and they (along with Newman) indulge, as it is “non-fat.” When Kramer notices that Jerry and Elaine have gained weight, they become suspicious of the yogurt’s contents. Elaine decides to send the yogurt to a laboratory for testing.

Meanwhile, Jerry accidentally uses the word fuck (which is censored) near the shop owner’s son, who then starts to use the word frequently. When he tries to apologize, the boy ruins a cassette tape, (intentionally), of one of his stand-up routines, causing Jerry to curse yet again. Elaine’s new beau and George’s nemesis, Lloyd Braun works as an aide to the mayor of New York City, David Dinkins, currently up for reelection against Rudy Giuliani. Elaine suggests that everyone in the city wear name tags, so that they can greet each other. Lloyd takes the idea to Dinkins, much to everyone else’s ridicule. Braun eventually breaks up with Elaine; she claims that it is the fault of her weight gain from eating the yogurt.

Kramer, fearful of losing his investment, tries to sway a lab technician to falsify the analysis of the yogurt. In the process, they kiss passionately, and a sample of blood with high cholesterol falls into a test tube belonging to Rudy Giuliani. In the end, though, the lab reveals that the yogurt does, indeed, contain fat. Business plummets, especially when Giuliani receives the results of a physical claiming that he has high cholesterol. Giuliani reveals that he, too, has eaten a great deal of frozen yogurt lately, and vows to eliminate false advertising in the city. The yogurt shop now serves real yogurt which isn’t as good, leaving Newman furious. The episode ends with the main characters watching Giuliani deliver his victory speech over Dinkins; the “name tag fiasco” cost him the election.

The Lip Reader

Jerry and George are at the U.S. Open where George mentions that he had invited his girlfriend Gwen to a party. Jerry says this is a bad idea, as he cannot socialize with others when he is with his girlfriend. George buys an ice cream sundae at the match and eats it, getting the chocolate all over his face, which is caught by the cameras and broadcast on television. Jerry becomes smitten with the lineswoman, and when he tries to get her attention it appears as if she is ignoring him. Only after she turns around does Jerry realize that she is deaf.

Elaine, who is using the company car service to travel, is tired of all the chatty drivers – so to avoid talking to one she pretends to be deaf. However her plan fails when she “hears” the radio message to the driver to pick up Tom Hanks. To make it up to the driver, who was disgusted with her feigned deafness, she gets him tickets to a rock concert.

Jerry tells Kramer about the deaf lineswoman, Laura (Marlee Matlin). Kramer claims to know sign language because a deaf cousin lived with him for a year. He then gets an idea to become a ball-man (corrected from ball boy) and asks Jerry to find out from Laura how to get the job.

Gwen breaks up with George, saying “it’s not you; it’s me”; George is offended, as he considers this to be his signature break-up line. Kramer tells George about seeing him on TV with the pudding on his face, which George starts believes to be the reason for Gwen breaking up with him. Jerry takes George as the third wheel on a date with Laura, and they find out that Laura can eavesdrop on people by lip reading. George then gets the idea to take Laura to a party to read his girlfriends lips to see what she is saying about him. After the date Jerry asks if he can pick up Laura at six for the party; (“How about six?”) which she misinterprets as ‘sex’; (“How about sex?”) and leaves him in a huff.

Kramer goes for the ball boy tryouts and aces it, getting the job. Jerry tells George about the ‘six/sex’ misunderstanding and that he straightened it out with Laura. Newman enters and askes to ‘borrow’ Laura to spy on his supervisor, and, not surprisingly, Jerry refuses. Later, in the limo, they find out that the driver has gone slightly deaf from sitting near the speakers at a Metallica concert: the same concert for which Elaine had given him tickets. When he recognizes Elaine, the driver throws everyone out of his cab.

They arrive late to the party and meet Laura who has a brief and nonsensical sign language conversation with Kramer. When Gwen arrives, Laura watches her conversation with Todd and signs to Kramer who voices it out loud. The conversation is surprisingly mundane – about peas, pea soup, carrots and carrot soup (a subtle joke; “silent” extras often mouth the phrase “peas and carrots” to give the illusion of conversation). However, when Todd asks Gwen if she wants to sweep with him after the party, it is misinterpreted as ‘sleep’ with him. George becomes hysterical. He runs up to them and rants about the disloyalty. When Gwen corrects him, he starts shouting at Laura and Kramer. When Laura and Kramer start arguing and signing furiously, she accidentally hits George in the eye. He topples over a table and crashes the party.

Later, the group are seen at a tennis match where Kramer is the ball man. Kramer rushes at the ball and accidentally knocks down and knocks out Monica Seles. After the match, Laura gets into the limo with the same chatty driver. When he starts talking to her, she explains to him, “I’m deaf.” He turns back with a slightly agitated and dubious expression before the credits roll.

The Bris

The four go to the hospital to meet friends who have just had a baby. At the hospital, George gets a fortunate parking spot right in front of the hospital, which becomes unfortunate when a mental patient at the hospital suicidally jumps from the roof and lands on it. George then attempts to get the hospital to pay for the car’s damages. Kramer, having directed the mental patient to the roof without realizing his intention, stumbles into the wrong room at the hospital and becomes convinced that he has seen a “pigman”, an encounter he quickly develops into part of a conspiracy theory concerning the government and genetic mutation, claiming, “The government’s been experimenting with pig-men since the fifties!” The incident of discovering a pigman in a hospital bed parodies the British 1973 film O Lucky Man!. When George thinks there should be pigmen walking around, Jerry tells George that there is always some “group of perverts that’s attracted to it, ‘ooh, that little tail really turns me on.'” In Shallow Hal, Jason Alexander’s character has a little tail, and in fact, there is a group of females who are attracted to it.

Elaine and Jerry become nervous about the religious duties they must perform when they agree to become godparents to the newborn baby, obligated to arrange the bris, which involves booking a mohel and holding the baby during the circumcision. At the bris, Elaine’s unstable, shaky mohel arrives (guest star Charles Levin). Kramer, disturbed by the concept of the bris, attempts to stop it, and the mohel accidentally circumcises Jerry’s finger. The four go to the hospital, where Jerry’s finger is attended to. Kramer finds the “pigman” (whom he later discovers is actually a “fat little mental patient”) and “liberates” him from the hospital. The “pigman” steals George’s car, which was again conveniently parked. The ending of this episode is a tribute to The Godfather, even using the theme music from the movie. This is the last episode where Kramer gets applauded on his first entrance into Jerry’s apartment, because Larry David had begged the studio audience to stop doing so, since he felt it wasted screen time and it threw off the actors’ timing. According to the Notes About Nothing feature of the episode on the DVD, Jason Alexander has stated that this is the only episode he wishes was never made; his objections specifically centered around the character of the mohel, whose behavior (specifically, his hatred of children) bothered him.

The Sniffing Accountant

The episode opens with one of Jerry Seinfeld’s stand-up comedy bits, centering on the government and the IRS.

The episode then jumps to Monk’s Cafe, where Elaine discusses her new boyfriend, Jake Jarmel (played by Marty Rackham), who she met in her office. She explains how he approached her, and felt her gabardine jacket between his thumb and forefinger rather seductively. The conversation then jumps to Jerry’s new sweater, which he found in the back of his closet. At that point, Elaine looks out the window of the cafe and sees Barry Profit (John Kapelos), Jerry’s accountant. They invite him in, but are stunned to find him repeatedly sniffing during their conversation. The group discusses the possibilities that he could be on drugs. Jerry is panic-stricken, considering that Barry could write checks out of his account for illegal narcotics.

George goes home to his parents’ house, and his father explains how he got him an interview with Sid Farkus (Patrick Cronin), the manager of a company that sells women’s underwear, in an attempt to get George a job as a bra salesman. Meanwhile, Jerry tells Kramer about the “Barry on drugs” situation, and Kramer is convinced he’s a drug addict after hearing he went to the bathroom during their confrontation. At this point, Jerry gives Kramer his sweater because it was too itchy. Next, we see Elaine coming home to her apartment, where Jake is preparing dinner. Initially, they laugh and flirt with each other, but a violent fight ensues when Elaine gets surprised after finding out Jake didn’t put an exclamation point after an important phone message he wrote down. Jake, angered by Elaine’s trivial criticism, breaks up with her and puts an exclamation point after his parting words: “I’M LEAVING!”

To find out once and for all as to whether he’s on drugs or not, Kramer, Newman, and Jerry organize a sting. They wait inside a car in front of Barry’s workplace, and when they see him going into a bar, Kramer (wearing Jerry’s sweater) goes after him. He finds Barry sniffing in the bar, and manages to get a picture of him in a bathroom stall.

George carried through his interview with Sid Farkus, and makes a wonderful impression, resulting in him getting hired for the job. He becomes so consumed with confidence from his perfectly executed interview that he feels a random woman’s shirt between his thumb and forefinger on his way out. The woman (Christa Miller), who turns out to be Farkus’ boss, is enraged by the act and demands that George leaves the company. Farkus obeys her order and fires George, which makes Frank mad (at George). Jerry writes a letter to Barry Profit, stating that their relationship is officially terminated, and gives the letter to Newman to mail it. Kramer slips the picture he took of Profit in the bathroom into the letter as well. But, in an affair involving a pizza delivery man, Jerry and Kramer conclude that it was actually Jerry’s mohair sweater that caused Profit to sniff involuntarily. Jerry rushes out to stop Newman from mailing the letter.

Newman, who was remarkably confident at the time, felt a random woman’s coat between his thumb and forefinger on his way to mail the letter. The woman freaked out and called her boyfriends to get Newman. Newman runs away in a mad panic, dropping the letter while doing so. The last scene shows Jerry announcing that Barry Profit filed for bankruptcy, and if he had terminated his relationship with him prior to the filing, he could have gotten his money back.

The Glasses

George’s eyeglasses, he claims, were stolen at the Health Club and he needs a new pair. He goes to see Kramer’s optometrist friend Dwayne (Timothy Stack), whom Kramer promises will give George a thirty percent discount because Kramer had helped the optometrist break his addiction to sugar. Elaine is bitten by a dog while with George at the optometrist’s, and she becomes afraid of dogs as well as the possibility that she may have rabies. While not wearing his glasses, George thinks he recognizes, from a distance, Jerry’s girlfriend Amy (Anna Gunn) kissing Jerry’s cousin Jeffrey, who apparently has a “horse face”. Jerry goes to Amy and tries to get her to confess her infidelity; she indignantly denies it. Jerry doesn’t know what to think of George’s uncanny ability to see fine details while “squinting”; however after George mistakes an onion for an apple, Jerry wonders whether George was also mistaken about having seen Amy with Jeffrey. After trying on many pairs of glasses, George finally decides upon a new style and buys them, but is distressed when Kramer later points out that they are women’s-style glasses made by Gloria Vanderbilt. The optometrist also refuses George a discounted price. George then makes a deal with an unsuspecting blind man to trade the man’s uncomfortable eyeglass frames with George’s, and have the lenses switched. With his vision back, George finally realizes that it was not Amy kissing Jeffrey, but a rather homely mounted policewoman affectionately petting her horse. Meanwhile Kramer, bursting into Jerry’s apartment, accidentally jars Jerry’s giant new air conditioner loose from the windowsill, and it falls to the sidewalk, serendipitously crushing the same dog which had earlier bitten Elaine at the optometrist’s. The episode ends as we see George’s “stolen” glasses right on top of the lockers in the Health Club.

The Puffy Shirt

George is upset because he is moving back in with his parents. Jerry offers him money to pay his rent and Kramer tells him he can live with him for a while, but George declines. They help George move his things into his parents’ house, but George is alarmed when they prepare to leave because he does not want to be left alone with his bickering parents. Jerry tells him that he is going to dinner later with Elaine, Kramer, and Kramer’s new girlfriend Leslie (Wendel Meldrum), who is a “low-talker”, someone who speaks so softly they are often not understood. George wants to come, but his mother tells him he is going to dinner with her and his father.

That night at dinner, Kramer tells Elaine and Jerry that Leslie is a clothing designer and has designed a new puffy shirt “like the pirates used to wear.” When he leaves to go to the bathroom, Elaine explains to Leslie that Jerry is making an appearance on The Today Show to promote a benefit for Goodwill that helps clothe the poor and homeless. Leslie then says something. Not hearing what she said, Jerry and Elaine just pretend and nod their heads in agreement. Meanwhile, George is having dinner with his parents at another restaurant. When arguing with his mother about what he is going to do for a job (and listening to his father talk about silver dollars), George gets up to get some air.

Outside, he accidentally bumps into a woman and spills her bag. When helping her pick up her things, the woman notices George’s hands. She remarks that he has exquisite hands and asks if he’s ever done any hand modeling. George says no and she gives him her card.

The next day at Jerry’s, George presents his hands to him, but Jerry fails to see what is so special about them. Kramer walks in and shakes George’s hand, shocking him with a hand buzzer, which distresses George. He shows Kramer his hands and then puts on oven mitts and leaves. Kramer then tells Jerry that since he agreed to wear Leslie’s puffy shirt on The Today Show she has been getting orders from boutiques and department stores to produce more of them. Jerry does not know what he is talking about and Kramer explains that he had told Leslie yes when she asked if he would wear the shirt on The Today Show at the restaurant (after Kramer left to use the bathroom). Jerry protests wearing the shirt because he could not hear a word she was saying, but Kramer tells him he has to wear it because factories are already producing them and stores are beginning to stock them.

George goes home and starts prepping his hands for his meeting with the photographers. Jerry and Kramer are backstage in a dressing room at The Today Show studio. The stagehand tells Jerry he has five minutes until he goes on the air. Elaine arrives and immediately laughs at Jerry’s shirt and tells him he looks like The Count of Monte Cristo.

At his meeting with the hand model photographers, the photographers marvel at George’s hands. One of them proclaims that George’s hands reminded him of Ray McKigney’s, a former model who had it all until he blew it by messing up his hands while not being the “master of his domain.” George tells them not to worry because “I won a contest,” a reference to the eponymous masturbation episode in season 4.

Jerry, meanwhile, makes his appearance on The Today Show, but Bryant Gumbel cannot help but laugh and talk about his puffy shirt. Jerry gets pushed over the edge and denounces the shirt on the air, causing Leslie to shout “You bastard!” off camera.

The photographer takes pictures of George’s hands and a client (David Brisbin) gives him a check. A fellow model, an attractive woman, then asks George if they want to get together later. Overjoyed, George finally thinks he has it all as he heads to meet Jerry at the NBC studios. In the dressing room, Leslie screams at Jerry for ruining her career. George bursts in and tells Jerry of his good fortune. Elaine, who has never noticed George’s hands before, asks to see them. George takes off his mittens, then proceeds to mock and laugh at Jerry’s shirt, unaware that Leslie, who is still in the room, can hear him. Furious, she pushes him and he trips, burning his now exposed hands on a hot iron sitting on the dressing room table.

The episode ends with the four sitting at a coffee shop, which is surprisingly not Monks. George’s hands are bandaged up and Elaine helps feed him. He mockingly tells them that his hand model career is over “because of the puffy shirt.” The shirt fiasco also caused Elaine to get fired from the benefit committee at Goodwill. Jerry says that he gets constantly heckled during his stand-up performances because of the shirt (“Avast ye maties” is one heckler’s comment). Kramer tells them that all the stores canceled out on Leslie and that he broke up with her because he “can’t be with someone whose life is in complete disarray.” The remaining shirts were given to Goodwill and when the four friends leave, two homeless men outside, dressed in the puffy shirts, ask for change. When giving them some money, Jerry remarks that it’s not really a bad-looking shirt after all.

The Mango

The episode opens with one of Jerry Seinfeld’s stand-up comedy bits which centers on the creation of seedless watermelon.

The episode then goes to Monk’s Cafe where George tells Jerry about his lack of confidence in bed with his new girlfriend Karen (Lisa Edelstein). The conversation then shifts to orgasm faking, at which point Elaine mentions that she used to fake with Jerry back when they were dating. Although Elaine didn’t think much of the subject, Jerry was flabbergasted at the information. This also causes George to worry that Karen was faking too.

A little while later, Kramer takes a bite out of a bad peach, and attempts to return the fruit to the store where he got it. This leads to him being banned from the store after he insults the owner, Joe (Leonard Termo).

Meanwhile, Jerry begs Elaine to give him another shot at an orgasm, even after numerous rejections, since she believes that sex will ruin their friendship. This causes Jerry to become more bitter and resentful towards Elaine.

George becomes too obsessed with his performance in bed with Karen that he experiences what seems to be erectile dysfunction. As George tells Jerry his predicament, Kramer asks Jerry to pick up his fruit at Joe’s fruit store, refusing to get his fruit at the supermarket. Jerry reluctantly accepts, and goes to pick up the fruit, causing him to get banned too after Joe finds out what he was doing. After the incident, George winds up getting both Kramer’s and Jerry’s fruit. George tastes one of Kramer’s mangoes, which makes an erotic transformation (“I think it moved!”).

Afterwards, Elaine gives in to letting Jerry have sex with her once again, after concluding it’ll destroy their friendship if they don’t. Meanwhile, Karen kicks George out of her apartment when he insults her after sex, doubting that she really had an orgasm (when, in actuality, she did).

The last scene shows Jerry and Elaine in bed, but now it seems Jerry is suffering from erectile dysfunction, and blaming George. Elaine then asks: “Y’know, I’m a little hungry…you wouldn’t happen to have any of that mango left?” Jerry then realizes his solution.