Seinfeld Reference – Page 15 – A website about nothing

The Pez Dispenser

Jerry’s dispenser of Pez candy causes Elaine to laugh loudly at a piano recital given by George’s girlfriend. Kramer creates a cologne that smells of the beach. Jerry hosts an intervention for an old friend (“Richie Appel,” an inside reference to comedy writer and Simpsons producer Richard Appel) with a drug problem. Jerry’s friend developed a drug problem because Kramer told him to pour Gatorade on Marty Benson’s head after winning a softball game; the coach developed pneumonia and died.

George is troubled over the fact that he has no “hand” (upper hand) in the relationship, and fears his girlfriend will break up with him. Acting on “genius” advice from Kramer, George “preemptively breaks up” with her, causing her to want him more and thus giving him the “hand.” Later, at the intervention, George’s girlfriend hears Elaine laughing, realizes that it was Elaine who ruined her concert, and walks out on George. Jerry’s friend kicks his drug habit; he’s now addicted to Pez.

The Subway

Each of the four principal characters has a unique experience during a subway ride. Jerry befriends an overweight nudist (Ernie Sabella) on his ride to Coney Island. George meets an enchanting woman passenger (Barbara Stock) who seduces him, takes him to her hotel bedroom, handcuffs him to a bed while he is in his underwear, and robs him. He misses his job interview in the process. Kramer overhears a horse racing tip from another passenger, places a bet at a betting parlor, and wins big, helping to pay for his car fines (including “no doors”). But on his way back, Kramer is about to be mugged by another bettor, only to be saved by a cop posing as a blind violinist. Elaine misses a lesbian wedding she was to attend due to train delays, which make her feel claustrophobic.

The Red Dot

Elaine gets George a job at a publishing company; to repay her, he buys her an ostensibly expensive, cashmere sweater, that has a minor flaw, for which it was marked down considerably (the flaw is visible to the characters but not to the camera). Elaine spots it and becomes furious at George and immediately returns the cashmere sweater to him. After meeting Elaine’s boyfriend Dick, and feuding off-screen, Jerry inadvertently reintroduces Dick, a recovering alcoholic, to liquor. This causes Dick to “fall off the wagon”, thus losing his job at the same publishing company where George and Elaine work. Even though Jerry accidentally left the drink nearby, Elaine accuses him of doing it on purpose.

Later, a drunk Dick heckles Jerry during one of his stand up comedy acts. While George was working at his new job, he becomes sexually attracted to a cleaning lady and has sex with her after they both drink Hennigan’s Scotch, which is a recurring brand in the episode (and series).

The next day, the cleaning lady gets upset over what happened the previous night and threatens to report what happened to the boss of the company. George tries to compensate with her by offering the flawed cashmere sweater. The cleaning lady is extremely overjoyed by the gift, launching into an emotional story about her first cashmere experience. Unfortunately for George she then notices the red spot, thus consequently getting him fired. Jason Alexander has said that he considers this scene to be the defining moment for his character, specifically the way in which George reacts to the situation.

As George is packing his things in the office he is met by Elaine and Jerry. After getting into an argument they suddenly hear a drunken Dick rampaging through the office hallway, coming to gain his revenge on Jerry for losing his job. The three quickly hide under George’s desk and wait as the drunkard approaches them. Just then, George offers the cashmere sweater to Dick, this manages to calm down Dick’s rage until he sees the spot.

The episode ends when the viewers see Jerry doing his usual last part of his stand up comedy act before the end of the episode. Dick is among the audience, happy, sober, and with a non-alcoholic drink in his hand. Jerry and Dick are seen getting along, apparently putting their feud behind them although the episode does not explain how this happened.

The Alternate Side

Jerry’s car is stolen and he has a conversation with the thief (voiced by Larry David) on the car phone. George takes a job moving cars from one side of the street to the other to comply with alternate side parking regulations, in which he does a predictably shoddy job. Elaine cares for her 66-year-old boyfriend, who has had a stroke just before she was about to break up with him. Kramer gets a line in a Woody Allen film, popularizing the expression, “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” He accidentally injures Allen during the shooting and gets fired from the set. George is also responsible for popularizing the expression as he repeats it several times during the episode.

George then causes a major accident and traffic jam, making it longer for the ambulance to reach Elaine’s boyfriend, and because of this, the movie is canceled and Woody Allen says that he may never shoot a movie in Manhattan ever again.

The Stranded

The episode begins with Jerry and George at a drug store to purchase medicine where George becomes involved in an altercation with the cashier (played by Gwen Shepherd), accusing her of short-changing him ten dollars. He is removed by the security guard. George gets invited to a party on Long Island and brings Elaine and Jerry with him. Jerry and Elaine have a bad time stuck in boring conversations, and Elaine confronts a woman because of her fur coat. At one point during the party, Elaine does an impression from the film A Cry in the Dark and exclaims “Maybe the dingo ate your baby?”

When a co-worker starts coming on to George, he strands Jerry and Elaine at the party, leaving them to wait for a very tardy Kramer. As a sign of gratitude for allowing him and Elaine to wait at his home, Jerry suggests the hosts stop by his apartment if they are ever in New York.

Weeks later, to Jerry’s surprise, the male host takes him up on his offer just as Jerry’s heading out the door. Jerry allows him to wait in the apartment until his return. However, Kramer stops by and he and the host have some drinks and laughs. Eventually the host hires a prostitute over to Jerry’s apartment. Jerry and George meet at the drug store where they speak about George’s coworker whom he slept with after the party. Then after Jerry picks a medicine George puts it in his shirt under his jacket as retribution for the short-changing incident before. The security guard catches him and takes him away, presumably to jail.

Just as Jerry returns, the host leaves the apartment without paying the prostitute, who refuses to leave until paid. As Jerry is paying the girl off, cops arrive and he’s “busted” for fomenting prostitution. Elaine prepares to squabble with the prostitute over her fur coat. In the final scene Jerry and George reminisce about their time in jail.

The Nose Job

George thinks his girlfriend Audrey (Susan Diol) is perfect, except for one flaw: she has a large nose. During a conversation about beautiful women, Kramer bluntly tells her she needs a nose job. Meanwhile, Jerry is conflicted about his relationship with an actress, whom he finds beautiful but with whom he has nothing in common. Also, Kramer needs Elaine’s help in reacquiring a jacket that supposedly has an attractive power over women.

The Tape

Elaine anonymously leaves an erotic message on Jerry’s tape recorder that he used to record his comedy act from the previous night. Upon hearing the message, he, George, and Kramer become obsessed with her. Elaine admits to George that she was the sexy voice in the tape. George is shocked to hear this and suddenly becomes attracted to her, but does not tell Elaine about it. Elaine makes George promise not to reveal her confession to Jerry or Kramer. Jerry, determined to get in touch with the woman who left the message, finds out who sat near the tape and gets her number. After his date with her, he tries to kiss her, but gets the “pull-back”, and concludes that she is crazy.

George orders a cream from China after watching a commercial that claims that it can cure baldness. At Jerry’s apartment, George makes a collect call to the product’s company in Beijing while Jerry mocks George for being gullible enough to believe that the cream actually works. George is unable to communicate with the people on the other side of the line, since they don’t speak English; meanwhile, this is when Elaine decides to stop by and Kramer decides to start making his own home videos by recording whatever Jerry, George and Elaine are doing. This includes a fake interview with Elaine, portrayed as a porn star, and she says the sex is never simulated with George, arousing him. Finally, the Chinese delivery boy, Ping, delivers the take-out Kramer orders and George convinces Ping, who speaks Chinese, to talk on the phone and help him order the cream.

George finds it hard to control his obsession with Elaine and finally admits to Jerry that he is attracted to her. Jerry wants to know why, but George tries to keep Elaine’s secret by not telling him. He finally cracks and tells Jerry that Elaine left the message. She comes in later and tells her secret to Jerry, but Jerry says George already told him. George then confesses that he is attracted to Elaine. She finds this news disturbing and then realizes that Jerry and Kramer have become attracted to her too. Freaked out, Elaine immediately leaves Jerry’s apartment. At the end, the three fight to hear the tape again.

The Cafe

Jerry, fascinated by an empty and failing eclectic restaurant called “The Dream Café,” offers his patronage to the restaurant, and convinces its owner, Babu Bhatt (Brian George), to restyle his menu and decor. He suggests that Babu make his restaurant the only authentic Pakistani eatery in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, the restaurant still lacks customers and Babu loses a lot of money. He becomes very upset with Jerry and blames him for causing his failure, yelling, “You’re a very, very bad man!”

Elaine takes an IQ test for George, who is worried that his girlfriend, Monica, who has asked him to take an IQ test for her education course, will not be impressed with the score he receives. This plan backfires. Elaine takes the test at the Dream Café, which Jerry says is quiet, but is distracted by Jerry (who gets her to order food) and then by Kramer (curious about the test), and so performs poorly with an indicated IQ of 85. Elaine insists that she try again and finally, George begrudgingly agrees. This time, Elaine takes the test at Jerry’s apartment and does very well, but just as she’s about to leave, Kramer locks himself in with her in Jerry’s apartment to escape his mother’s ex-boyfriend for not returning a jacket he found. Elaine is too late to return the test to George when Monica finds out. At the end of the episode Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer are standing on the same block as where the Dream Café used to be. Elaine learned her IQ was 151 from George’s “second try”, Kramer loses his jacket, and the Dream Café is shut down. On the sidewalk Jerry says he’s in the mood for Mexican food, George says he’s in the mood for Italian, and Elaine says she’s in the mood for Chinese. After this, Jerry says, “You know what would be great?”, implying it would be great to have an eclectic restaurant such as the Dream Café around and George and Elaine give him a long look.

The Parking Garage

The cast is in search of Kramer’s car in the multi-level parking garage of a shopping mall after Kramer purchases an air conditioner. Unfortunately, no one can remember where the car was parked. After carrying the air conditioner for some time, an exhausted Kramer decides to leave it behind one of the parked cars and tries to memorize the number of the parking space. Elaine fears that her new goldfish will die in the airtight bag before they can arrive home, while George must meet his parents by 6:15 to take them out to celebrate their anniversary. Also, Jerry has to go to the bathroom badly.

While the gang searches for the car, Elaine desperately begs people in the parking garage to offer them a ride around the building to find their car, but no one is willing to help or has any sympathy for the goldfish. As for Jerry, he is eager to urinate. Kramer encourages Jerry to do it in some dark corner where no one can see him. After Jerry does so, he is spotted by an officer and is held in the officer’s booth. Jerry tries to talk his way out of trouble by making up a story about the fictional disease of uromysitisis, but the officer is not convinced. Later, George is also caught in the act of urinating. Both Jerry and George are fined and released. After the two find Elaine, Jerry convinces George to ask an attractive woman, whom they saw earlier in the episode, to offer them a lift around the garage. After the woman accepts without hesitation, the gang all enter into the woman’s car and drive off, but moments later, the woman kicks them out after George said something to the woman that makes her explode in anger (the viewer is not told exactly what George said to the woman, but it involves L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology). Then by luck, the gang is dropped off right by Kramer’s car but unfortunately, Kramer, who has the car keys, is still lost somewhere in the garage. Hours pass by as George, Jerry and Elaine wait. Finally, Kramer shows up, having gone on his own hunt for the air conditioner. Elaine’s goldfish has not survived and George is well past the time deadline to meet his parents. As they all enter the car, the engine fails to start.

The Library

Jerry Seinfeld learns he has a fine on an unreturned library book from 1971, Tropic of Cancer. Jerry is convinced that he did indeed return the book, as he remembers the girl he was with that day, Sherry Becker, and her orange dress which is “burned into his memory”. Jerry must go down to the library to sort it out, and he invites Kramer, who enthusiastically accepts.

When they get to the library, Jerry learns from the librarian (Ashley Gardner), that his ‘case’ has been turned over to the library investigations officer, Mr. Bookman. Eventually George Costanza arrives at the library, and he’s very upset, claiming that the homeless man on the steps outside the library is none other than Mr. Heyman, a physical education teacher at Jerry and George’s high school, John F. Kennedy High School. Jerry explains to Kramer how George was responsible for getting Heyman fired. As Jerry and George depart, Kramer stays behind and starts chatting with the librarian, Marion.

Meanwhile, Elaine Benes is concerned when a co-worker forgets to ask her what she wants for lunch, and it sets her to worry that Mr. Lippman is planning to fire her.

The following day Jerry, George, and Elaine meet at Monk’s Cafe, where George tells Elaine the story of why Heyman was really fired. Flashing back to the old high school locker room, Heyman and some of the high school boys give George a wedgie, all the while Heyman deliberately mispronouncing George Costanza’s name as “Can’t-Stand-Ya”. As the flashback ends, George confesses that he complained about the incident, and Heyman was fired the next day. Kramer arrives at the diner to alert Jerry that the library cop, Mr. Bookman (played by Philip Baker Hall) is waiting for him outside his apartment.

Bookman and Jerry argue in his apartment about whether Jerry returned the book or not. As Bookman leaves Jerry’s, Marion is waiting to enter Kramer’s apartment, and quickly runs in when she sees Bookman. She worries that Bookman will return to the library and find that she is not there, but she finds it hard to leave her new-found love.

Jerry then proceeds to look up old high school girlfriend Sherry Becker. When Jerry meets up with her, he finds that she has gained weight, and he is a little perplexed at her recollection of that day. She remembers that she wore a purple dress, not an orange one as Jerry recalls, and that the book they read to each other was actually Tropic of Capricorn, not Tropic of Cancer. Jerry then remembers that the book he returned to the library was Tropic of Capricorn and he actually loaned Tropic of Cancer to George, and runs out of the diner.

Kramer and Marion are caught by Bookman as the two stroll through the library after hours. Meanwhile, Elaine’s fears of being fired come closer to being realized when she finds out that Mr. Lippman wants to see her in his office. After she sees Kramer crying over Marion’s poetry, she takes some of it, hoping to impress Mr. Lippman with a new literary find.

Meanwhile, George arrives at Jerry’s apartment, and confirms that the man outside of the library was indeed Mr. Heyman and proceeds to tell how he just received an “atomic” wedgie from him on the library steps. Jerry then confronts George about the book, which George then remembers losing after the original high school locker incident with Heyman.

Jerry reluctantly pays Mr. Bookman, who subjects Jerry to another lecture. Elaine confesses that Mr. Lippman did not like Marion’s poetry. The episode ends with Heyman, homeless in an alley way, muttering “Can’t-Stand-Ya, Can’t-Stand-Ya”, the dilapidated long-lost copy of Tropic of Cancer lying next to him.